If you're looking for a bullet point CV you've come to the wrong place..

Things to know about... me

1. 34 years old, not happy, not enjoying it. Anybody who tells you it makes no difference has no interest in physical activities whatsoever, other than building a beerbelly and fornicating with the remote.

2. Dancing, but only with members of the female fraternity, leave me to jig on my own and I hit the boredom threshold in 30 seconds flat. Mostly dance Salsa, Lambada * Merengue (but only with a woman who really knows how to dance it. Pride of place there goes to 'Chrystelle').

3. Vegetarian. Grade A rabbit food muncher, if it walked, crawled, swam or slithered I'm not interested, can't stand the taste of the stuff. If you want to chop it, roast it and ingest it I don't mind. Oh and Mushrooms, as far as I'm concerned the parasitic little buggers belong to the 'meat' category.

4. Teaching. Spent most of my life doing it, most happy with physical disciplines (which perhaps explains why I'm a dance teacher..). Definitely get a kick out of other people learning new things and gaining a new outlook on life. Or perhaps it's just a deep seated need to tell other people what to do.. I promise that if I can ever afford it I'll get a psychiatrist.

5. Keeping Fit. Hmm, problem, after a number of years of being incredibly fit, I then entered a period of great sloth. I have had a number of attempts at getting back into the regime but so far no success. So this is a daily work in procrastination, that one day I hope I may win and the world will once again revel in my six pack. Here's hoping.

6. Computers. Before you start I've managed to get past the nerd stage, I'm no longer excited by the new launch of 'X' and couldn't even tell you the latest Intel chip. Now they are a purely functional aspect of my life, e-mail, music, info etc. And of course this great tomb that you are currently reading. Must admit I spend far too much time shooting graphical representations of people. However as these don't resemble any people that I would really like to shoot (ex-bosses, girlfriends, irritating people, people in front of me at the checkout, traffic jam etc. Racist, sexist, ignorant facist bigots. Corrupt government officials and generally anybody who doesn't live in harmony with those around them.) - I really feel there's a niche market here. - I don't think it does me any harm. Except perhaps an overdeveloped 'mouse' hand.

7. Don't smoke or do drugs of any kind doesn't do anything for me. Don't drink often or to excess and when I do I prefer the expensive stuff. Enlighten my taste buds don't numb them.

Okay soppy bit, you've been warned!

Major Influences on my Life:
If you're not on here you may be in the 'less major influences'. :)

Obviously my Father for all he's had to endure. Too many things to say there.

Stan Lewis my martial arts instructor who provided the motivation for the next 12 years of my life. It's only later that I realised how lucky I was.

To all the other fighters that made it all worthwhile notably, Lloyd Allen, Nathan Lewis, Sharon Gill and Sean Viera of the Bristol Death Squad, Bryan Preece, Blacka, Clifton Brown and Alfie Lewis for giving me (and others) the most pronounced kicking of my life. Chris Allen for being the most hard working and talented waste of space.

Stuart Birtwistle for the psychological torturing and mentoring that made up my Oxford experience.

Alexandra Apokotou for being a woman and all that entails.

Mark Dunbar and Lisa Anscombe for introducing me to Salsa and saving me from the normal nightclub hell. Again I was incredibly lucky, two of the most professional and talented dancer/teachers in the business.

Bloody spanish woman who very kindly took the piss out of me and motivated me to actually dance in rhythm.

The Amigos for being professional sluts. Thought I'd better not mention your names in that context...

Karina Rebello for showing me what a real dancer was (Bitch), and for giving me my first chance to perform and then asking me to do it again..

Geraldo Soares for being a Performer, and giving me the opportunity to learn what that meant. Also of course for the hours of sex education talks that are part and parcel of the Soho scene. Nothing shocks me anymore, in fact I'm a little jaded.

Merrill Lynch for showing me exactly what I didn't want to spend my life doing.

Brock for making Taiwan a worthwhile experience.

Marcela for being a dancer and a performer and actually wanting to be my dance partner. For the many many hours of perserverance whilst I actually learnt to dance.

Lucy Power for being the reason to stay in Wales and all the support and sanity she provides. Current and all-time MIP. Word up to the 'ballers'.